Amy Vanderbilt’s New Complete Book of Etiquette

The Guide to Gracious Living

1967 edition

It’s always interesting to look at books on customs and mannerisms from a previous time period.  What is acceptable today could have been shocking in the past, whether it is clothing, speech, or manners.  I can’t imagine what my grandmother would think if she were alive today, and happened to flip on the television to a reality show!  Nevertheless, society does need some etiquette rules to follow.  I recently received this old book as a gift from friend and decided to take a look to see if there is anything I can learn from it.

 

I think I’ll be able to skip chapter 41, Employer-Servant Relations, and head right to chapter 42, Gracious Living without Servants.  After all, “an intelligent, organized mistress can do the work of even a fairly large household more quickly and efficiently than can the average, often truculent maid-of-all-work.”  The description of this homeowner’s day, however, is a little puzzling.  With the cleaning schedule laid out by Ms. Vanderbilt, I’d be working morning ‘til night keeping my house in order!  When would I have time to work?  Or, more importantly, when would I have time to go online?  With all that cleaning of the woodwork and waxing of the floors, I wouldn’t have time for Pinterest or Twitter, much less blogging!

I was quite appalled to read, in the chapter on A Man’s Manners in the Business World, that “It is only human for a man to want his secretary to be neat, attractive, and if possible, pretty.  He has to look at her all day long.”  How about a smart secretary?  How about efficient and knowledgeable?  How about if the woman were the boss?  

While flipping through the pages of this book, I saw a large X made with a black marker.  A past owner of this book crossed of something she apparently no longer found useful, and that is a paragraph on lighting cigarettes.  This paragraph suggests that a man, even if he doesn’t smoke, always carry a lighter or matches just in case the woman he is with needs a light for her cigarette. 

Cultural differences aside, etiquette will always be important.  To act politely towards another is to show them that they are valued and respected.  While the particular rules may change, I hope the practice never does!